The Arbitrary ChuckJerry

I've been reading Bill Clinton's autobiography, "My Life". I started to read it on my vacation and spent a good amount of time last week lazing about and reading. A couple of observations.

1) The book is too long and the binding is too weak. I don't say it's too long from a reader's standpoint. I say it's too long because the pages are falling out of my book when I open the binding too wide. I don't mind doing the reading, but I can't turn the pages without gettin chunks of them in my hand. Hopefully as I get closer to the middle of the book it will hold itself together better.

2) It's gonna take me forever to read this book. I've read it for a few hours already and I'm only on page 200. There are 1,000 pages in this book. It's gonna take me at least until Thanksgiving to finish it I'm guessing. Once I start working next week, it's gonna get hectic and i won't have as much time to put into it.

I must say, it is very interesting so far. I'm only up to his law school years. He just met Hillary like 15 pages ago. There's a long way to go, but the book has tons of interesting information. It's a pleasurable read, I just hope I get to put some time into it.

Ok, so I was gone all last week on a cruise through some of the Caribbean islands. I'm going to try and use a few posts to tell you about the trip and post a bunch of pictures. These are gonna be long ass posts, but mainly just pictures. Let's start with a couple of the boat, Royal Caribbean's Adventure Of The Seas.









The ship was really big. If I'm not mistaken it is the second largest cruise ship in the world next to the Queen Mary. There are all sorts of things in that boat including a theater, an ice skating rink, a Main Street type block of stores and bars, three dining rooms, a basketball court, inline skating track, rock climbing wall, mini golf course, four swimming pools, six hot tubs, a gym, a spa, and room for 3,000 guests and 1,500 staff. Here are some shots of stuff on or in the boat.


The view from the Sky Bar, looking over the pools and deck chairs.

Here's another shot from the Sky Bar



The view from the opposite side on the highest deck of chairs. The top level of glass windows is where the Sky Bar is.


This is the strip of stores and such called the Promenade. They would have parades down this thing at night sometimes. Otherwise there was an English pub and a Sports bar in addition to the several stores in this area. All over this promenade area were statues of people that I mistaked for real at least once a day. Especially this guy here with the camera who stood right by the entrance to the casino.



Here's a look from the Promenade to some balcony type things on each floor and also some sort of sculpture they had hanging from the ceiling.


This is me next to the basketball court and the rock climbing wall in the background.


This is the stage of the theater.


So that's what the boat looked like. I didn't get pictures of a lot of the other places on the ship, but you get the idea.

Even before the cruise started we were getting our vacation on. They didn't let us start boarding the boat until about 2pm and our flight got in at 11am. The boat left from San Juan, Puerto Rico so we decided to drop our bags off at the ship and look around the city for a while. They weren't going to leave until 10pm anyhow, so we weren't in any danger of missing the boat.

We took a cab to Old San Juan, most of which was built in the early 1500's after Christopher Columbus "discovered" the island during his second voyage in 1493. The city has a big ass fort to protect it from pirates or other invaders and it also has a wall that goes all around it. The wall is like 50 feet high and 20 feet thick. It's a pretty impressive wall (but not a very happy wall, i'm afraid...Anyone? Luke, Brian?). Anyhow, we don't have pictures of that stuff, but here are some of the streets in Old San Juan




All of the street signs in Puerto Rico look like the signs in America, except they're all in Spanish.


Anyhow, we walked around there for a while and had lunch at a place called Flamers, which we thought was like Applebee's, but ended up being more of a fast food place. They need to open a Flamers in New York because it was pretty good. They must have those somewhere else on Earth, but I don't recall ever seeing one. Anyway, it was crazy hot, so after a while we just went back to the boat.

Two of the days of the vacation were spent sailing on the boat on our way to somewhere. Also we were back on the boat at 5pm every day in order to get to the next place. Since we spent a lot of time on the boat, there were a lot of things for us to do on it.

When we first got there, we went directly to our stateroom. It was not nearly as small as I thought it would be. It was maybe half the size of a normal hotel room, but there was plenty of space for just the two of us. There are rooms of similar size that hold entire families and such, and in those cases they would certainly be cramped. Anyway, this is what we saw when we first walked into our room.

Kathy thought that was a bad omen for the vacation, and I guess it is a little weird, but we didn't end up needing them.

Our room also had a little private balcony where you could go and sit or watch what they were doing outside.



We would wake up in the morning and go eat breakfast at this buffet place where they had all sorts of breakfast crap. Here's our breakfast one day


If we weren't going to leave the boat that day then we would have to find something to do at this point. Usually we would go and sit around or in the pool and just chill out.


You could either sit on the quiet side, which was for adults only, or go to the other side where lots of action was taking place. Sometimes they would have a band out there.


On that side of the deck they would have all sorts of activities throughout the day. If the band wasn't playing then they would have things like the Men's Sexy Leg contest or the belly flop contest. They also had these weird horse race games where they would roll dice and these hobby horse things would go up the track. I don't have pictures of any of that stuff, though.

Instead of just sitting at the pool, sometimes we walked around and looked at stuff.


If you looked off the railing during a sea day, this is what you would see in every direction


They would also have different activities inside the boat as well. On the two days we were at sea, we took a salsa lesson and a swing dance lesson. For the most part, though we just sat around the pool. I did get up early one day and go to the gym to run a bit, so at least I could say I wasn't too lazy. At some point we would get lunch from that same buffet place and go back to sit by the pool.

They had a Johnny Rockets on the boat and one day we went to lunch there. They give you fries and onion rings as soon as you get there.


Here's Kathy at Johnny Rockets


We both got milkshakes and I had a cheeseburger and Kathy had a chili dog.


When you're at Johnny Rockets the waiters get up and sing sometimes like if it were a '50s diner. It was a little amusing seeing these waiters from all over the world singing '50s rock songs, but it was cool. Also a few of the customers got up and danced with them.


For dessert at Johnny Rockets I had apple pie with ice cream, and Kathy had apple pie with cheese, which we both thought was weird, but she wanted to try. She said it wasn't bad.



Sometimes we would walk around the shop area like this


If we were feeling saucy we would stop at the sports bar.

The sports bar was weird because all they showed was an odd ESPN channel that had the commentaries in English, but all the printed words in Spanish. Also they didn't run the ticker on the bottom of the screen when all I wanted to see was the score of the Yankee game.

Also if you wanted to you could go to the casino where they had slots, blackjack, roulette, and some table poker games. We didn't gamble, but we did walk through it a lot.


Eventually the evening would come and we would go to dinner. The food was all great and I made a point to try some things I had never tried before. I had escargot, rack of lamb, a souffle, and some other random things. We had a waiter and an assistant waiter and the service was great. Our waiter was this Indian dude named Constancio who was on his last week of working for 6 months straight before going home for 2 months off. He has a wife and a daughter who live in India so it must be hard for him to do this job, but I'm assuming he makes more money doing this than whatever he might be doing in India, or else he would stop. The assistant waiter was this girl named Lui. Her name was a lot longer than that, but she said to just call her Lui, so we did. She worked every day from 4:30pm to 4:30am. After she finished with the dinner service she would go to the cafe in the Promenade, which was open 24 hours, and work there. Here's me and Kathy with Constancio, and then Constancio and Lui together



We shared a table with a couple from Texas, Chad and Teresa, on the left, and a couple from New York, Laura and Nate, on the right.


All of them were cool and usually after dinner we'd spend a lot of the night together with them going to the shows or clubs or other activities. Every night they would put on a stage production that was hosted by this guy called Richard Spacey (the picture is blurry, sorry).

This dude was British and he was really over the top and would tell pretty corny jokes, but he was actually pretty funny. He would dress like Austin Powers sometimes, too, but all the pictures we had of that were really blurry.

In the few minutes before the stage show they would have these two comedians come out and do a weird act. Usually they would just mime or make weird noises and do weird things. Usually they would bring an audience member or two on stage and it would be funny to watch while they did a choreographed dance while the audience member tried to keep up. One night they both put on bike helmets and the girl got in a suitcase and the guy got in a rolling mop bucket and they had audience members push them up the aisles in a race. It was really funny. Anyway, one night they brought me up on stage. I'm on the left with the navy blue polo shirt.




They had us do the dancing thing for a minute or so and then they had us sit down on buckets. After we were sitting they had us lean back on each others laps and then took the buckets away so we were making a sortof human table. Then they waved and walked off the stage while the audience laughed. We held the thing about 30 seconds and then they came back and we were done.


The stage shows varied. A couple nights they had comedians, only one of which I saw. They put on two different song and dance shows. They singers and dancers were pretty second rate. They were either pretty talented, but not remotely attractive, or they were good looking, but not especially talented. The singers were all good singers, but kinda weird looking. The dancers were a mixture of talented/ugly and good looking/bad dancer. Another night they had a guy called Kenny James who was a grand champion on star search come and sing. He was enormously, ridiculously cheesy, but he sang good songs.

Another night we played Bingo. They had bingo every day, but we only played the one game where they were giving away a free cruise to the winner. I was two squares away from winning, but it didn't happen.


On another night they had this thing called Karaoke Idol. It sounds like exactly what it is. People would sign up to sing karaoke and then the would vote and the best people would move on to the finals the next day. We were at the thing with our dinner friends and this one dude, Chad, said that he liked to sing. I told him that I'd sign up if he did, or maybe it was vice versa. Anyway, the end result was that Chad, Kathy, and I all sang karaoke that night. I sang "Sweet Caroline", a karaoke favorite, Kathy sang "Let's Give Them Something To Talk About", and Chad sang "Stand By Me".


We had a picture of Chad singing, but it was really blurry. Anyway, Kathy and I were basically forgettable, but this dude Chad was actually a really good singer. He almost got a perfect score and then moved on to the finals the next day. Then in the finals he won the Best Male Vocalist award, even though he got robbed of the all around winner trophy. I actually finished in a close 3rd place among the men where the top 2 advanced into the finals. I'm sortof glad I didn't make the finals since I was just doing it for fun, and not really for the contest. Also I would have gotten killed by Chad in the finals anyway.

The karaoke thing was hosted by this guy called Tyson, who basically told corny jokes just like the other guy only he wasn't as funny.



They also had a night club on the ship and after all the other activities were done, the night club would be open all night. I don't know when it closed, but we were there until 2:30am or so on a couple nights.


When you would get back to your room every night they would have your bed turned down and a different animal made of towels. They had a swan and a rabbit one night, but I don't know where the pictures are. We did manage to get pictures of the elephant and the monkey, which looks like a chicken hanging in a butcher shop if you ask me.

The first day of the cruise we just sailed and sat around. The second day we stopped in Aruba. All of the islands we visited were really small. I would say all of them are essentially comparable to the size of Manhattan or Staten Island. None of them even approach the size of Long Island. Anyway, we stopped at Aruba first and did some stuff. Aruba is one of the wealthiest Caribbean islands because it has an oil refinery there that brings in money. Of all the islands we visited, Aruba is the most self sufficient, and though they make a lot of money on tourism, they also have other significant revenues.

Anyway, first we went snorkeling in Aruba. It was really great. First we went to one spot and saw some coral and fish and took some pictures with an underwater camera. I don't have those shots yet because we have to get the film developed instead of just uploading it.

Here's Kathy and me about to go snorkeling in Aruba.


They scooped us up from that one spot and then took us out into the ocean a little farther to a sunken ship. It was a big 415 foot boat that sunk because of some type of WWII activity. It was ridiculously cool to snorkel there. You come up on this ship and all of a sudden there's this enormous thing there. Also there's coral all over it and fish all over the place around and in the ship. Very cool. Again no pictures yet, but here's Kathy and I after we snorkeled. Yeah, I've been working out.


Immediately after they dropped us off at the boat we went to book a snorkeling trip for the next day because we liked it so much. Then we both took showers and left the boat to walk around Oranjestad, Aruba. There is a ton of shopping and most of it is situated in these outdoor malls. It's all very nice looking. Here's some of the mall.


We ate lunch in a place called Mambo Jambo, and it looks like this. It's the second floor place with the yellow balcony.


I had a great drink called a Bushwacker that had kahlua, Bailey's, rum, amaretto, and ice cream and it tasted like a chocolate milkshake. I'm gonna try to make one tonight in the smoothie maker. Kathy had some sort of fruit or berry frozen drink


We walked around for a while more to the different shops. There is a cool store called Del Sol where everything they have there changes color in the sun. We bought t-shirts for our nieces and nephews and such. I don't think we bought anything else there, but it was fun to walk around all the shops.

Here's me in front of some more shops


Eventually we went back to the ship for dinner and the day in Aruba was done. Here's a couple other pictures from Aruba.



The boat actually stayed in Aruba until 1am, as opposed to 5:30pm in all the other places we went to, so a lot of people stayed off the boat and went to a night club or something like that. There was this one club right off the boat called Carlos and Charlie's that a bunch of folks went to and apparently that was a good time. I certainly heard the music at that place from our balcony, so I know it was pumping.

Anyway, we went to sleep and woke up the next day in...

The second C in Curacao is a soft C and if I were able to with this font I would put the little tail on the C to indicate that it is a softened C. The name of the island is therefore pronounced roughly "kyur-a-sao". I'm telling you this even though you probably know that because the day before when we were in Aruba Kathy and I overheard a conversation that went like this:

"I think we're supposed to go on that excursion tomorrow in St. Maarten."
"No, not tomorrow. We're going to Caraco tomorrow."

And she pronounced it just like that, "Car-a-co". It was funny and Kathy and I made fun of that lady for the rest of the cruise.

Anyhow, when we got to Curacao, this was the view from our balcony.


Here's another shot from our balcony to the right of that bridge

We docked at about 7am, so I don't think the sun was quite up yet whn Kathy took these pictures. That's why they're a little hazy.

We got off the boat and took some pictures by some rocks there




Anyway, as mentioned we decided we wanted to go snorkeling again in Curacao, so we did that first in the morning. They picked us up and rode us in a boat to a little bay. Here's me riding the boat out there.


We coincidentally were on the same excursion as our table mates, Chad and Teresa, so we hung out with them on the way out. The ride out was against the current and I feel like the hurricane that was farther north made the sea a lot choppier on this day than the day before. When we got there, there were a few people feeling not so good, including Kathy and Chad. Once we got into the little bay, though, the cliffs stopped the current and the the boat stopped moving, so everyone was good again. We snorkeled and here's some pictures of me doing that. There's only me because Kathy got back to the boat first and took these photos.



The snorkeling in this cove was really cool again. There were some huge fish there and they threw food off the boat to get them near. Also there was a sunken tugboat in the cove which was not as cool as the 415 foot boat in Aruba, but was still cool. Also while there we say several octopi swimming around and some scuba divers. Then we went back to the boat. The ride back was much smoother going with the current. Showers and then we walked the streets of Willemstad, Curacao.


A couple of sights from the streets or Willemstad were a band playing in the street and this big ass doll.


There were all these little shops that sold souvenirs of native art and such and these dolls were among them


We stopped for lunch at this outdoor cafe where there were these two guys playing reggae music. They were really good and the whole 45 minutes or so we were there was really pleasant because we were out of the heat and eating and listening to those guys play the music. Here's the menu of the place we ate at. Apparently in Curacao they don't sell ice cream by the scoop.


We walked some more and took a ferry across the inlet back to the ship. Here are a couple pictures looking back toward the town.




Incidentally, both Aruba and Curacao are about 30 miles from the South American mainland, right above both Colombia and Venezuela. My visits to those two islands therefore officially mark the farthest South I have ever been. Both of them have history as Dutch colonies, and Curacao is still a Dutch colony. Most of the people there, though, seem to speak mainly Spanish. There's also a creole language the natives speak called Pagiamento that's apparently a mix of Spanish, Dutch, Portuguese, and something else, maybe English. That creole language sounds a lot like Spanish to me. The official language in Curacao is Dutch, but everyone speaks English, Spanish, and Dutch.

Anyhow, we walked back to the ship and pulled out of port at about 5:30pm. Here's a picture of the guys untying the ship from the pier.

After Curaco we spent the next day at sea sailing up to St. Maarten. St. Maarten is split between the Dutch and the French and going from one side to the other is a bit like going from New York to Connecticut in that you don't even notice you're on the other side except for a little marker. The boat docked on the Dutch side, which is why I say we were in St. Maarten instead of St. Martin, which is how the French side spells it. Right at the dock there's a sign to let you know you're in St. Maarten.

Also you can see across the little bay to the main city there, Philipsburg.


We didn't have a specific plan for this day, unlike the previous two days when we had planned snorkeling excursions from the ship. We had a guide book that suggested a place called Orient Beach on the French side of the island. Again coincidentally we ran into Chad and Teresa so we took a cab with them over to the beach and hung out over there. The beach was pretty nice. There were shops and restaurants up and down the beach and you could rent different equipment like jet skis or go parasailing. We didn't do any of that, though, we just hung out in the water.


We got a great picture of Kathy from Orient beach as well


After a while we went back to the boat and went out to the town of Philipsburg. The shopping there is supposed to be great, but it wasn't really. There was a jewelry store literally every 10 feet, but we weren't really shopping for any jewelry. Here's some of Philipsburg, off the water taxi.


An here's another view of the town's shore


So there's all these little shops with local art and little dolls and such. All of the islands were pretty similar in terms of the things you could buy and what not, except for these things they were selling in one shop on St. Maarten that Kathy thought were so funny that she took a picture of them. She just couldn't believe that someone might buy them to put in their home.


We walked around for a while and then ate lunch at a restaurant right next to the water taxi.


Also here's a picture of a palm tree in St. Maarten


St. Maarten looks like it's made up of lots of small mountains that are covered with trees and bush. Here's an example. If you imagine this about 100 times, then this is what St. Maarten looks like.


So after lunch we walked around for a few minutes more, but didn't want to buy any tanzanite, so we took the water taxi back to the boat.

St. Thomas and St. John are two of the three US Virgin Islands, St. Croix being the other. Sts. Thomas and John are about two miles apart and you can easily go from one to the other via ferry. All of the real action takes place on St. Thomas, which is bigger and way more developed. If St. Maarten is the gold standard for shopping in the Caribbean, then St. Thomas is supposed to be the platinum standard. The reason that both of these islands are supposed to be so great to shop in is because there is no tax on anything. If two things are priced the same in St. Thomas and in New York you will automatically pay 8.25% less in St. Thomas. Also since it is a duty free port the prices are apparently always lower since there are no other sorts of fees passed to the consumer. I don't know about all that. Everywhere we went all the stuff seemed pretty expensive. It's not like they sell stuff at a discount, they just don't have the tax. The exception is duty free liquor which is much cheaper for some reason I'm unaware of.

Anyway, in the morning we went parasailing in St. Thomas right in the bay behind our boat. It was very cool. I was parasailing when I was 13 I think, but not since then and it was a very cool experience. We have some pictures of us parasailing, but they were also on regular film to be developed, so they will come later. Here's a couple pictures of the guys who ran the parasailing boat and of the actual parachute.


Also here's a couple of pictures on the boat getting ready to parasail.


Also here's what St. Thomas looks like from the parasailing boat.



After we parasailed we took a ferry over to St. John. Here's what it looks like when the ferry pulls up to St. John.




On the island of St. John is the most beautiful place that either Kathy or I have encountered on this Earth, Trunk Bay. Most of the island of St. John was declared a national park by the US government, so that the bulk of the island is undisturbed and in its natural state. Even moreso than the other islands we visited, which are hardly industrial by any means. Trunk Bay is a small beach on this island where the water is clear, the beach is soft, and everything is beautiful. I don't know if the pictures will do it justice.




Certainly my standing in the way of the scenery makes it less beautiful, but just to prove that I was actually there, here's a picture of me at Trunk Bay.


And here's Kathy


We rented snorkeling equpiment here and swam out by that big rock you see. This was very cool because under the water there are signs sunk on rocks that give information about the wildlife and such there. If you follow them they create a path for you to snorkel on. The water is very calm because it is enclosed on both sides by cliffs. This was the highlight of our trip for both Kathy and me.

After a couple hours we took a taxi back to the one city they have on St. John and ate lunch.


After lunch we took the ferry back to St. Thomas and a cab back to the boat. That was the last day of our cruise. That night they had a farewell show at the theater and we packed our stuff to go home. The next day we got up early and went to the airport. Now I'm back here writing about it on my computer.

I would assume that there are some things we all like in spite of ourselves. Lots of movies are "chick flicks" and I generally don't really enjoy them. There are some exceptions that are genuinely good movies like "When Harry Met Sally" and "Beaches" and probably some others, but for the most part most guys don't like most chick flicks and that generalization applies to me.

There is one exception, however. I really enjoy "Fools Rush In" starring Matthew Perry and Salma Hayek. This is a movie that was not even a successful chick flick, nor was it especially well reviewed. I don't really know anyone else who likes this movie, but I must admit that I like it very much.

In case you're in the majority of people who probably don't even remember the movie the basic plot is that Matthew Perry is a WASPy architect from New York who's building some building in Las Vegas and has a one night stand with Salma Hayek. (Let's be honest, that's enough plot right there.) Anyway, she gets pregnant and they decide to get married now and figure out how to make it work later. Obviously they have trouble making it work right away and get in what seems to be an irreconcilable rift, only to realize they love each other right before the baby is born (literally seconds before; on the Hoover Dam, no less).

The plot is see through, each scene is pretty contrived, the satellite characters are one dimensional, yet still I enjoy this film. I think I like this movie so much because of the two leads. I find Matthew Perry to be funny and I'm secretly in love with Salma Hayek, and since most of the scenes revolve around those two I enjoy watching it. The two of them bring some sort of authenticity to the movie for me. Also one of my favorite New York institutions, Gray's Papaya, home of the $0.75 hot dog (formerly $0.50), is featured prominently in the film.

Anyone else like this movie, or ever even seen it? Anyone else have a guilty pleasure movie? Anyone ever seen the movie "Crazy/Beautiful", because I sortof liked that one too, though I've only seen it once.

The Yankees are currently 1.5 games out of the wild card race behind the Oakland A's. This will be the weekend that determines if the Yankees will stay in the race or not. The Yankees are playing the team with the best record in baseball, the Chicago White Sox, and Oakland is playing the team with the league's worst record, the Kansas City Royals, who are currently in the midst of an 18 game losing streak.

If the Yankees can win 2 of 3, then they will be 2.5 games out at worst at the end of the weekend. Oakland has lost 4 in a row themselves, but they will almost certainly win the series against the Royals and may very well sweep it. The Yankees need to win this weekend's series in order to be legitimately competitive.

Last year I told you all that my diet was bad and my cholesterol was 256. For a year I've watched what I've eaten and consciously exercised in an effort to get my cholesterol down. 256 is dangerously high and it really should be below 200.

This year I got a check up and my cholesterol is down from 256 to 242, still dangerously high. Now, my doctor said that I was to be commended because without drugs and such this is basically an expected drop and it is significantly lower, but it's still crazy high. I don't get it. I've had way too few cheeseburgers and steaks in the last year for this slight improvement from really bad to still pretty bad.

He's giving me 3 more months to really stop eating everything except for rice cakes and exercise like mad before doing something more drastic about it like a medication or some such thing. He says I'm getting to the age where it will eventually make something bad happen to me.

I didn't know that I would be "getting to that age" where random things make a difference so quickly.

Anyhow, I tried. I'll have to try harder in the next couple months. The doctor says my diet and such probably don't have all that much to do with it and it's just in my blood...literally.

Part of the new collective bargaining agreement in the NBA was that teams had a one time opportunity to buy out a player's contract without having to pay the luxury tax. This rule was unofficially called the Allan Houston rule by lots of people in the league because the contract with the most glaring payment to production ratio in the league is Houston's. He hasn't contributed significantly to the Knicks in 2 years because of his arthritic knees.

He's costing the Knicks about $98 million in future revenue since he's owed $49 million and since they are over the salary cap, they have to pay a dollar for dollar luxury tax for the amount they are over, essentially doubling Houston's contract. By buying out Houston's contract they could have saved the $49 million in luxury tax.

Except they didn't do that. Instead they bought out the contract of Jerome Williams, which saved them $23 million, significantly less than the $49 million they would have saved from Houston. The reason they did this is because the Knicks are fairly confident that Houston is going to retire if he's not ready to play at the start of the season. If he retires due to injury, then the Knicks will save almost the entire $98 million they otherwise owe. They would still have to pay Houston, but it would be covered under an insurance policy, which means it wouldn't come out of their pockets.

I like Allan Houston. I don't love him. He's not one of the greatest Knicks ever, and he's certainly not worthy of the largest contract in team history, which is what he has right now, but he was a great contributor to the team. It's too bad that he can't get himself healthy, but he really needs to go and retire. If he does come back, there is no way he will produce near the level he once did, and there's also not really room for him, Jamal Crawford, and Quentin Richardson on the roster. There's no viable means of getting rid of Crawford or Richardson, so Houston is out by default.

My advice to Allan Houston, take the $49 million and run. Well, he can't run because of the knees, but take the money and walk.

Kathy Lee Gifford is going to be a correspondent on "The Insider" television show starting in September. This is not worth blogging about, but the guy who wrote this little piece turned this into a story about Howard Stern.

The only picture is of Howard and he is mentioned more often than both Gifford and Pat O'Brien, the host of the Insider. How in the world is this story about Howard Stern?

Why are people from Belgium called Flemish? Why aren't they Belgian?

Why are people from Holland called Dutch? Shouldn't they be Hollish, or Hollandaise? And why is Holland also called The Netherlands? What is the official name of the country?

Isn't Germany called Deutcheland in German? Shouldn't German people be called Dutch if anyone is going to be?

Joe Biden, Democratic senator from Delaware (hi, we're in Delaware), was on Meet the Press this morning and talked about how he disagrees with Bush on every conceivable issue. He didn't say anything particularly mind blowing.

I want to give props to Joe, however, for actually saying that he intends to run for president in 2008. I don't know why people deny the fact that they want to run for president in interviews, but they all do. So far, the only guy who's running in 2008 is Biden since Hilary Clinton, John McCain, Condoleeza Rice, Johns Kerry and Edwards, and everyone else have all denied wanting to run. So big ups to Senator Joe for making his intentions clear.

Today I hit 299 home runs, good enough for 7th place on the all time list. I'm still not on the list because I never registered with the site. I don't think I'll ever beat that number not because I'm incapable, but because that particular game where I hit the 299 took me about 40 minutes to complete. Once I got on a roll I figured I'd finish the game, but it's just not interesting enough for me to play for 40 minutes at a time with any regularity.

I'm not saying I'll never play again, but there's really nothing to shoot for since the number 1 spot on the list would be over 1,300 home runs and I'll never do that even if I were capable. That would take a few hours at least. I don't think I'll play to beat my record again. Once I get bored with it, I'll turn it off.

My high games are 299, 166, 125, and 100. I'll leave that legacy to the new, younger players in the home run derby league.

I bought the new Jason Mraz album today off of iTunes, the music program that goes along with the iPod. Now that I've downloaded it, I can put it on my iPod, burn it to a CD, or listen to it from my computer. In addition to the songs on the album, my purchase also came with a PDF of the album liner notes and a free download of the video "Wordplay", which is the debut single. I haven't listened to the CD yet, by the way, but there's no way it can be bad. Mraz's last album was phenomenal and this one was produced by Steve Lillywhite, the dude who produced the first three Dave Matthews studio albums. I can't imagine having to eat my words here.

I don't begrudge anyone from downloading entire albums for free from the internet, but I personally feel like if I want the whole album, then I should buy it. If I only want one song by an artist, then I don't really have an issue with downloading it for free. This is sortof an arbitrary line to draw, but I can justify it by saying if I didn't download this one song for free, then I certainly wouldn't go and buy it, so there would be no money exchange in either case. At the same time, if I'm buying a whole album, then I'm supporting that band in their endeavor and part of that is paying for what they put out there. I know you could make a similar argument for a single song, but, like I say, I suppose I have a pretty arbitrary stance on the matter.

Anyhow, I don't know if I'll ever go physically buy a CD ever again. First of all, there's a new technology being introduced that makes some CDs incompatible with ripping to iTunes and iPods. Since I happen to have an iPod, this is not ideal. At this juncture the issue with those CDs is that the Apple people haven't licensed the software that would make iPods compatible. They also have no plans to license it.

Secondly, if I buy a CD and rip it to my iPod, then I have really no use for the CD any more. If for some reason I did need an actual CD versus a digital copy of the album, then I could burn it.

Also the music stores have been ripping us off for years by overcharging for CDs. New releases sell for $12-$15 and older CDs that I often want cost like $20. That's ridiculous since it costs something on the order of $1 to produce a CD for sale. This way I can support the artist I like without having to support the store that I know is overcharging me. You could argue that iTunes overcharges too, since theoretically all they really need is one digital copy of the song to disseminate it, but at least it's cheaper and reasonably priced.

I wonder once this becomes the normal way of buying music if it will become more or less expensive. I would imagine there will be more competition and the existing music stores will open their own online music stores and the prices will eventually level at some reasonable price. Although the stores have been in collusion for years regarding the overpricing of CDs, so that may be a bit idealistic.

In any event, I am going to make every effort to never buy a CD again. I wonder if that's a realistic goal. When I was 15 I promised myself that I would never pay for a haircut again in my life and I have held firmly to that goal 12 years later. I think I can pull this one off, too.

I've read a few books by Kurt Vonnegut and I don't understand why he is so critically acclaimed. Can anyone offer a reason? Also could someone explain to me why he's considered a satirist? When I read literature I feel like I generally get it. I love to read. I'm relatively smart. I don't get Vonnegut. I don't particularly enjoy his books. I don't see why people consider him to be great.

I've read "Slughterhouse Five" and "Galapagos" and "Cat's Cradle" and "The Sirens of Titan". Many of his Amazon reviews say that the easy reading style is deceptive because it hides the deeper meaning. Maybe I'm stuck between the apparently lazy style and the deep stuff. I just feel like his style is not only lazy, but abitrary just for the sake of being apparently deep. Like he's tricking people into thinking he's got a message. If you're reading and you don't really get it, then it must be deep.

Someone help me out here.

UPDATE: Since there are no comments for this post, I'm assuming that no one else out there gets Vonnegut either. You know what Chris Rock says, "If only smart people like your shit, it ain't that smart".

The new energy bill passed by Congress and signed today by President Dubya includes a month more of daylight savings time. We're going to spring forward in the second Sunday in March, three weeks earlier than we used to, and fall back on the first Sunday in November, one week later than we used to.

I think this is a great idea. I personally love daylight time and it can't come soon enough or stay late enough for me. I honestly think we should just permanently switch to daylight time. The first day of standard time is always depressing for me. When it's dark at 4:30pm and just starting to get cold. It takes at least 2 or 3 days to get used to the idea for me. Some people get enormously depressed around that time of year and have to get light therapy just to deal with it. Those people should take the money they're spending on light therapy and buy a house closer to the equator.

Congress didn't do this just because they enjoy the daylight. Ostensibly this will save energy at the beginning and end of the spring/summer season by having an hour more of daylight at the end of the day. As it is most people are asleep when the sun comes up during these times and certainly don't use the light as much in the morning as they do at night. From that standpoint this is a good idea, too, I guess. I'm just happy about the daylight myself.

People are bitching about this because their VCRs are set to automatically change their clocks on the appropriate day. Those people should shut the fuck up quickly. They sound like technophobes. Next they're gonna be sending out unabomber manifestos against daylight savings.

Some people feel that it will be too dark in the morning when this change is made. The sun won't rise until 7:30 or so for these few weeks. They don't want their kids at bus stops and what not when it's dark. Also apparently farmers have trouble changing milking schedules of cows. These aren't issues you don't already deal with, people. You'll just have to deal with it three weeks earlier. Calm your shit down.

Anyone who's against this policy is un-American. If we don't extend daylight savings time, then the terrorists win.

Here's a line from the Declaration of Independence:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."

To say that "all men are created equal" seems to me to be grammatically incorrect. The "equal" part is an adverb, it is describing the verb, specifically how men are created. As that is the case, shouldn't the phrase be "all men are created equally"?

I may be wrong here. Not in the sense that the adverb should be "equally", but in the sense that the "equal" may not be an adverb. This phrase may mean something like "all men are created as equals" and the "equal" is therefore some other part of speech. I can't think what part of speech that may be, however. It is in the obvious place that an adverb should be and fits the context of the sentence, but as written it is clearly not an adverb.

Any thoughts? Lawyers out there, is there an accepted meaning in this line?

Incidentally, this is a beautiful thought and is brilliantly worded, despite the perceived error. If you read this for what it's worth and its intended meaning, the ideas expressed here really lay out what America is supposed to be all about. It's too bad we as Americans don't have a history of upholding these values.

This post is solely for Max and Matt Daffy. We've been discussing the Home Run Derby game on Candystand.com for the last week or so.

Today I figured out the key to the game during a session in which I hit 125 home runs. Incidentally, after the game I clicked the submit button to put my name on the high score list, and I just got a "Page Not Found" error. It doesn't really matter, though because I think the list gets taken down every day, since the numbers are always different when I look at it. My 125 home runs would have been good enough for 34th place so far today had I been able to put my name up.

Real general rundown of the game in case you're reading this and you're not Max or Matt. The pitcher pitches pitches to you and you swing the bat to try and hit a home run. You start the game with 20 swings and each time you swing, whether you hit a home run or not it takes a swing off your total. One exception is if you hit the ball off the scoreboard or out of the stadium, then you get a bonus swing and in effect your swing total doesn't go down. The other exception is that if you hit the ball off of one of the billboards, you get two bonus swings instead of one.

In any event, the key to the game is not to swing just at the fast balls, but to swing at every pitch. You have to recognize the type of pitch and time it so that you hit it out of the park. The general wisdom is that you can only hit the fastballs out of the park, but that's not true. Each pitch can be hit out of the park if you swing correctly.

On top of this fact, the change up type pitches are easier to hit off the billboard. If you recognize it and swing a little bit later than you would at the fastball, then you can pull it out towards the billboard, and get the extra bonus swing on a more consistent basis than if you are just swinging at fastballs.

My new strategy is to look for a change up and get the swing timing down based on that pitch. If he throws a fastball you just swing right away and forget the timing. If you get on a roll you can hit literally every one out of the park or off the scoreboard.

Invariably my timing got messed up somewhere in the middle, so I changed back to the just swinging at fastballs strategy until I got back in the zone.

I cannot imagine what you are thinking of my if you've read this entire post and have never played the home run derby game. To answer the obvious questions. Yes, I am a dork. No, I do not have anything better to do because I'm on summer vacation. No, I will not marry you.

I'm watching the Yankees play the Blue Jays in Toronto and a question popped into my head.

Are black people in Canada called African-Canadians?

Rap is a genre of music that goes out of its way to explain what life is like for its artists and fans. I don't know of another type of music that has so consistently existed to represent a lifestyle. That being said, there are some rap songs that do that job better than most.

In my opinion the rap song that best represents the genre is "Ghetto Bastard" from Naughty By Nature. The lyrics are biting and concise, the beat behind it is rock solid, and the representation of the circumstances surrounding the angst and living conditions in an urban environment is clear. This song is the quintessential rap song.

I can't find a site that has all of the lyrics correct in my opinion. Most of the sites have at least two or three lines that are obviously wrong. Since I couldn't find a site to link you to that I was happy with, I decided to try to interpret all of the lyrics myself. I feel confident that all of the lines are correct with the exception of a couple lines in the third verse, which I surrounded by *stars*.
Here's my interpretation of the lyrics:

Some get a little, and some get none.
Some catch a bad one, and some leave the job half done.
I was one who never had and always mad.
Never knew my dad. Motherfuck the fag.
Where anywhere I did pick up, flipped the clip up.
Saw many stick-ups, 'cause niggas had the trigger hiccups.
I couldn't get a job, nappy hair was not allowed.
My mother couldn't afford us all, she had to throw me out.
I walked the strip, with just a clip, who wanna hit?
They got 'em quick, I had to eat, this money's good as spent.
I threw in braids, I wasn't paid enough.
I kept 'em long 'cause I couldn't afford a haircut.
I got laughed at, I got jumped, I got dissed.
I got upset, I got a tech and a banana clip.
Was down to throw the lead to any dealin' tac head.
I still woulda been broke, so a lot of good it would've did.
Or done, if not for bad luck, I would have none.
Why did I have to lead a life of such a bad one?
Why when I was a kid and played out was a sad one?
And always wanted to live like this or that one?

[Chorus]

A ghetto bastard, born next to the projects.
Livin' in the slums with bums, I say now "Why, Treach
do I have to be like this?" Momma said I'm priceless
So I am all worthless, starved, and it's just what being nice gets.
Sometimes I wish I could afford a pistol then, though.
Last stop to hell, I would've ended things a while ago.
I ain't have jack but a black hat and napsack,
war scars, stolen cars, and a blackjack.
Drop that, and now you want me to rap and give?
Say somethin' positive? Well positive ain't where I lived.
I lived right around a corner from west hell,
two blocks from south shit, and once in a jail cell.
The sun never shone on my side of the street, see.
And only once or twice a week I would speak.
I walked alone, my state of mind was home sweet home.
I couldn't keep a girl, they wanted kids or cars with chrome.
Some life, it you ain't wear gold your style was old
And you got more juice and dope for every bottle sold.
"Hell no," I say, "there's gotta be a better way."
But hey, never gamble any game that you can't play.
I'm slowin' and flowin' and goin' on and knowin' and not now.
How will I do it, how will I make it? I won't, that's how.
Why me, huh?

[Chorus]

My third year to adulthood, and still a knucklehead.
I'm better off dead, huh, that's what my neighbor said.
I don't do jack but fightin', lightin' up the street at night.
Playin' hide and seek with a machetti *sets of Freddy's spikes*.
Some say I'm rollin' on, nothin' but a dog now.
I answer that with fuck you and a bow wow.
'Cause I done been through more shit within the last week
Than a fly flowin' in doo-doo on the concrete.
I been a deadbeat, dead to the world and dead wrong.
Since I was born that's my life, oh you don't know this song?
So don't say jack, and please don't say you understand.
All that man to man talk can walk damn.
If you ain't live it you couldn't feel it, so kill it, skillet.
And all that talk about it won't help it out, now will it?
In Illtown *fell like I stuck-up props, got shot*.
Don't worry got hit by a flurry, and his punk ass dropped.
But I'm the one who has been labeled as an outcast.
They teach in schools I'm the misfit y'all will outlast.
But that's cool with the bull, smack 'em backwards.
That's what you get for fuckin' with a ghetto bastard.

If you ain't ever been to the ghetto.
Don't ever come to the ghetto.
'Cause you wouldn't understand the ghetto.
So stay the fuck out of the ghetto.

Why me?

When I was in high school everyone's favorite baseball player was Ken Griffey, Jr. He was easily the best player in the league and was considered to be one of the most likeable guys, too. On top of that his numbers were sick, especially coming from a guy who's not built like a McGwire, Sosa, Juan Gonzalez, or anyone else who was hitting 50 home runs back then. He was also considered one the best, if not the best, center fielders in the game at the time. On my high school baseball team we would try to imitate his swing during practice, with little success, obviously, lest all of us would be in the majors by now.

Since then he's gotten killed by injuries. Griffey was on track to be one of the immortal players of the game. He was gonna be the guy who broke the home run record. He was gonna be the best player in the game for another 10 years on top of the 10 that he already was. He was gonna be next to Babe Ruth and Willie Mays when you talked about great players. In 1995 Griffey broke his wrist making a play that no other center fielder in the league would have been capable of making at the time and he missed about 90 games that year. That was a harbinger of things to come for Griffey, who's been followed around by injuries essentially since he moved to Cincinnati in 2000.

He came back from 1995 to put up 49, 56, 56, and 48 homers in the next four seasons. Then he was a free agent and decided to leave Seattle, reportedly because of some friction between him and A-Rod, who in 1999 was the only other player in the league who might have been considered the best in the game. So he went to Cincinnati and the team has sucked, and Griffey's been hurt the most games he's played there has been 145 in the 2000 season, his first with the team.

I'm writing this post because Griffey has put up huge numbers and been one the best players ever and he's been overshadowed for the past few seasons for a few reasons. First is because of his injuries, but secondly a ton of the guys in the league around him are breaking records while being on steroids. I feel we can safely assume that guys like Mark McGwire, Jason Giambi, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, Gary Sheffield, and Juan Gonzalez were on steroids during the time they were putting up huge home run numbers. I think it's also safe to assume that Griffey was not on steroids during this time.

First of all, Griffey is still a skinny 6'3". He's solid and strong, but certainly not bulky. Secondly, all of his injuries have come on the field during games. The wrist thing and his later hamstring issues have come from Griffey trying to make athletic plays and stretching his body more than it should be stretched. This is the opposite of the type of fluke injuries that come from steroid use.

My point is that Griffey is one guy we can look at who has played the game the right way and who has excelled. Very quietly this season Griffey has had a very good year. He's on pace for about 35 home runs and 110 RBIs and he'll probably hit about .290 or so if he stays consistent. Those are all star numbers for a lot of guys and it's only because Griffey is so great that we see this only as a nice comeback type of year for him.

Griffey is 35 years old, which is getting up there, and the time he's missed due to injuries doesn't make one optimistic about him being very effective into his late 30s, but that doesn't mean he won't do it. You could make an argument that the time he's missed has been time that he hasn't been putting wear on his body and he may be able to go a couple years more than he otherwise would have. In any event, he's currently at 524 career HRs. If he stays healthy, obviously the biggest factor, he will probably get to a legitimate 600 career homers and even if he retired today he's a first ballot hall of famer.

So I guess I've just become jaded by all the guys out there today who are making it happen, but in an illegitimate fashion. We should also give credit to the guys who have stayed above suspicion and still gotten the job done. Guys like A-Rod, Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, and Vlad Guerrero who haven't been mentioned in any type of scandalous issues, but have been consistently great. Though today I feel like we're one drug test away from maybe taking one or some of these guys off that list. Let's hope not.

On a related note, it's somewhat astounding that the 1995 Seattle Mariners didn't win the World Series. They had the two best players in the league and the best pitcher in Griffey, A-Rod, and Randy Johnson. On top of those guys they had Edgar Martinez and Jay Buhner, who were great hitters, and they had way above average role players like Tino Martinez, Luis Sojo, and Alex Cora. Now 1994 was the strike year and it would have been really interesting to see who would have come out with that championship. The Yankees were in first place in their division, as were the Mariners and the Montreal Expos, who were loaded with talent that year. My gut feeling is that one of those 3 teams would have won that season.

Charlie Murphy aka Darkness has told the New York Post that he doesn't believe that Chappelle's Show will continue. He says that the show has run its course and it's just time to stop.

There has been no comment from Dave Chappelle, who is apparently willing to forego the $50 million Comedy Central wants to pay him in order to make the show. The executives at Comedy Central are apparently as in the dark as the rest of us. They say they or obviously willing to have Dave back doing more shows, since it's their most popular, but that the "ball is in Dave's court."

If he doesn't have it in him, then I guess he shouldn't continue the show, but that would be a damn shame.

...because Barry Bonds isn't coming back. Barry says he's likely out for the entire season after having three knee surgeries since January. Bonds turned 41 last week and is planning on being back next season to break some records.

This is all working out nicely for my conspiracy theory. I had said that baseball was pressuring Barry not to return to baseball since the last thing they want is for him to break the home run record and cheapen its meaning.

Guys are talking about leaving Rafael Palmeiro out of the hall of fame despite him being one of only four players in history to have 3,000 hits and 500 home runs. We can only assume that the general feeling about Barry is the same, even though he's never officially tested positive for steroid use. At this point it seems to be one of the worst kept secrets in sports.

Anyhow, I don't have anything against Barry Bonds, per se, and he was a Hall of Famer before his power surge, but I would not feel the same about the game of baseball if Barry was the all time home run leader. That record would essentially mean nothing to me if Barry had it. That is less an indictment of Barry Bonds, and more of an indictment against Bud Selig, the commissioner of baseball, who would be the biggest jackass on Earth if he allows Bonds to break this record.

So a couple weeks ago I was telling you how Rafael Palmeiro is underrated and is one of the best players ever. Yesterday he tested positive for steroids and even though he denies taking them knowingly, that doesn't change the fact that he took them, and that he's probably been taking them for years. Incidentally, every player who has admitted to taking steroids has said they did so unknowingly, which is ridiculous, quite frankly.

Palmeiro has a beautiful swing. He would have most likely gotten 3,000 hits with or without steroids, but I doubt he would have hit all those home runs were he not juiced. He was essentially cut from the Cubs by Don Zimmer because he thought he was just a singles hitter, and they needed a power hitting first baseman. This was more than 15 years ago now. It seems to me like he's probably been doping since around that time.

Also he looks like a jackass now for his testimony in front of Congress. It was a mad Bill Clinton moment saying "I have never used steroids. Period." I only have 5 words for you, Raffy. Liar, liar....pants on fire.

We've already established that some things bother me for no good reason. Here are a couple more of those things.

I get really annoyed when people misspell the word "definitely" or "definite". The most common misspelling is to write "definate" with the 'a' that makes no sense. This really, really gets on my nerves. I don't know why this bothers me so much. There are other words that get misspelled a bunch, but I can ignore them, and there are probably words I misspell myself from time to time, but this particular misspelling doesn't sit well with me.

I also hate when people pronounce "nuclear" incorrectly. It makes them sound retarded. The word is pronounced nook-LEE-er....It is not nook-YOU-ler. This alone is reason enough not to vote for George Dubya. Also Kiefer "Gravitas" Sutherland says this on "24", an otherwise spectacular show. But there are lots of nuclear crises on "24", so he says it a lot.