The Arbitrary ChuckJerry

This is a weird one.

I'm really particular about the way my sandwiches are made. My opinion is that each sandwich has a clear top and bottom and that those top to bottom rules should be respected. This is especially important with sandwiches that are made on some sort of roll rather than with slices of bread.

On a roll, either a round roll or a hero roll, the top and the bottom of the piece of bread is evident. When it is cut in half, then, there is obviously a top and bottom half of the roll, thus creating a top and bottom of the sandwich. When the sandwich is eaten, it must be held right side up.

On top of that, no pun intended, the garnishings of the sandwich must be handled with care as well. These garnishings are commonly known as toppings, and therefore belong on the top of the sandwich. The sandwich then, from bottom to top, should consist of the bottom roll, meat, toppings, condiments, top roll. Condiments obviously consisting of mayo, ketchup, mustard, salad dressing, whatever you like.

This issue, believe it or not, does have some repercussions. I don't really notice them at all, but have been questioned about my odd sandwich behavior in the past. Many delis make sandwiches in the same way, I guess for the sake of efficiency. A sandwich I order with regularity is turkey, lettuce, tomato, onion, and mayo. The deli guy then cuts the roll, puts mayo on both slices, reaches into the little bins and puts the lettuce, tomato, and onion on the bottom roll. He'll then o get the turkey, slice it, and put it on top of the toppings. Put the top roll, cut it in half, and the deed is done.

I'm used to this and so when I get my sandwich I generally take it apart and put the toppings back on top. I'm not bitter about it, it's just a fact of life for me. When asked why I take apart my sandwich, which I have, I just say that I need the toppings to be on top. I've also been asked why I don't just turn the sandwich upside down so the toppings would be on top. That is unacceptable. You can't call the bottom the top and pretend everything is ok. When you put the sandwich down upside down it doesn't sit right. The top of the roll is curved and it will topple over. The sandwich was meant to be eaten the right way. That would be laziness.

The solution to this issue is clear. When the sandwich roll is cut in half an the condiments spread, the deli guy should put the lettuce, tomato, and onion on the top roll. Then when you slice the meat and place it on, you can put the bottom roll on the sandwich. You've still therefore built the sandwich efficiently, but also retained the integrity of the sandwich and the toppings.

I think this is definitely weirder than the windshield wiper thing. Without a doubt it's weirder than my hang ups with misspellings and mispronunciations.