The Arbitrary ChuckJerry

I stole this from Joe

1. My uncle once: stayed at my house with his daughter for a whole summer.
2. Never in my life: have I had the desire or the courage to do anything really out of the ordinary.
3. When I was five: I didn't understand why my pre-school teacher wouldn't let me answer every single question, even if no one else knew the answer. I feel like I had thoughts at five years old that were on some levels way more interesting than most of the thoughts I have now. I remember really pondering on several occasions if a vase that fell over when no one was home would actually make a sound. I don't recall If I was familiar with the "if a tree falls in the forest..." thing, but I guess I must have been. My conclusion, by the way, is that it must make a sound. It's a lot more fun being a curious 5 year old than a curious 27 year old.
4. High School is: really what you make of it. I know that now that I go every day with an objective look at it. If every high school student realized how important it was, then we wouldn't have to discuss the failing educational system.
5. My parents are: both gone. Both from cancer. My mother was capable of doing 10 things at once. And all really well. I've probably idealized her at this point, but she really seemed to have been all things to all people. I realized when I was in college that my father was a really great person, but not great parent. Once I realized that I loved him a lot more. He was a pretty good parent, but he had some failings.
6. I once met: Jimmy Fallon walking on a street in New York with Brian and Rick. We were coincidentally all on our way to the same bar, so I think Jimmy thought we were following him.
7. There's this girl I know who: is too afraid of people in general to be in a relationship. At least that's my take on it.
8. Once, at a bar: I was one of two people still on the dance floor at 3am. We were on complete opposite sides of the floor.
9. Last night: I ordered a pizza, sat home with Kathy, and fell asleep right after the monologue of Saturday Night Live.
10. Next time I go to church: I hope it's for a wedding and not a funeral.
11. When I turn my head left, I see: out of the window into the courtyard of my little apartment complex.
12. When I turn my head right, I see: the turtle.
13. How many days until my birthday? 225 is what I came up with in my head.
14. If I was a character written by Shakespeare I'd be: one of those bit players. Mercutio, maybe Guildenstern. Shakespeare's main characters have way too much drama in their lives to accurately resemble me. I'm pretty impressed by the people who know all about Shakespeare, incidentally. Mainly because I feel like it's something not really worth knowing about unless you're an actor or something. As someone who's pretty interested in useless knowledge, I'm impressed that people would learn things even I consider useless.
15. By this time next year: I hope to be a father. We'll see how it works out.
16. A better name for me would be: Jerry Charles Edward Gardner, rather than Charles Jerry Edward. It would avoid a lot of confusion. Here's the story of my name. I was adopted by my parents when I was 9 months old. Before then I lived with a foster family in or around Boston and they called me Jerry. My parents intended to name me Charles Edward Gardner after both of my grandfathers, but I guess decided not to stop calling me Jerry since I already responded to it, so they made it my middle name.
17. I have a hard time understanding: Committed Republicans. It's something I've struggled with for a while. I try to be open minded to all schools of thought. It's not that I'm unwilling to believe that there are Republicans, but I really don't understand any of the logic behind it aside from the selfishness. What's the point of government that doesn't look out for ALL of the peoples' best interest?
18. If I ever go back to school I: will get 30 more credits to get to the top of the pay scale. I'm seriously considering getting an administrative degree that would allow me to be an assistant principal, even though I don't have any intention of being an AP.
19. You know I like you if: I make fun of you. Some people don't understand that right away.
20. If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: whoever it was that was most instrumental in my receiving it. I can't imagine what I'd win an award for.
21. Take my advice: calm down, don't break the screen. Whatever you're dealing with is probably not worth getting as upset as you are. Also dealing with your problems head on with seems to be the most effective way. That's something I have trouble with myself, even though I realize it would just be better if I dealt with it.
22. My ideal breakfast is: Eggs over easy with home fries and toast. Ketchup on the eggs and the home fries. Orange juice and coffee, sugar and half and half. I'd eat this for breakfast every day if my cholesterol weren't so high. In fact I did eat this for breakfast on most days before I ever had my cholesterol checked.
23. If you visit my hometown: go to Bischoff's and get a mint cookie crush sundae. Teaneck is not nearly as cool as it used to be. I don't think I'd want to grow up there now, though I enjoyed it as a kid. I'm reminded of a line from a Tom Waits song, San Diego Serenade: "...never knew my hometown, 'til I stayed away too long. Never knew the melody 'til I needed the song." That's a great song, incedentally, if you've never heard it.
24. Why won't someone: realize that their religion was created to bring all the people together, rather than make us different. How many people have died in the name of God? From the crusades and the inquisition to the holocaust to the suicide bombings and terrorist attacks to things like the Branch Davidians or the Kool-Aid suicide people. Under no rational interpretation of whatever religion you belong to does God want humans to kill other humans. If you kill someone in the name of God, then you are in the wrong. If God wants people dead, he'll do it himself, just ask Noah or the Sodomites.
25. If you spend the night at my house: you can have your own bedroom, since we have an extra one at this point.
26. I'd stop my wedding: well, I missed the boat on that one.
28. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: well, I wouldn't go out of my way to do it, but really that doesn't seem so bad. That answer violates the spirit of the question, so let me think of another one. I don't particularly enjoy being social, but I'll do it if the situation calls for it. It's not really debilitating, though I don't really talk to people unless it's necessary. That's hardly a good answer either.
29. Paper clips are more useful than: staples. They hold more and they're reusable. I use lots of paper clips. I'm tempted to say something like paper clips are more useful than organized religion, but I guess that's a matter of perspective.
30. If I do anything well, it is: keeping my temper. Some would say to the point of irrationality. Perhaps over-rationality is a better way to say it. The only person who can make me lose my temper is my sister. She does it surprisingly well when she puts her mind to it, given that no one else can.
31. And by the way: you're not as cool as you think you are. No one is. Words to live by.