The Arbitrary ChuckJerry

If you don't live and/or drive in New York City then the words "alternate side parking" have little or no meaning to you. The basic idea is this: The New York street cleaning trucks go around the city and clean the streets every day on a schedule. This picture is for a street where the truck comes every Monday and Thursday between 9am and 10:30am. Most likely on the other side of whetever street this is is a similar sign that says you can't park there on Tuesday and Friday between the same hours. Every street is different and almost every street in New York has some sort of street cleaning schedule. What this means for people who live in New York is that your car is not allowed to be on that side of the street during the time the cleaning truck is scheduled to come. There are signs posted on the street telling you when you can park and when you can't as shown on the right and they have a little broom doubling as the slash through the P to indicate that you can't park because of street cleaning. If you don't understand, then don't worry. No one gets it until they get their first alternate side ticket. After that, they learn quickly.

Today I was going to work and I didn't have to teach any classes, meaning I had some flexibility as to when I could take a break. I parked at a spot where I would have had to move my car by 11:30 to comply with the rule and I fully intended to do so when I parked. The problem is that I forgot to move the car. I was caught up in grading these Regents exams that had to be finished by today and I didn't go downstairs until 12:30. I expected a ticket, but I got much more than that.

Some fucking clown in the city thought it would be a good idea to shame people into not parking on the wrong side of the street by allowing ticket writers or sanitation people or somebody to put big fucking neon yellow stickers on the window of your car that says something to the effect of, "This car is illegally parked. Since this driver does not comply with parking rules, this street could not be properly cleaned." So when I went to get in my car today, not only did I have a ticket, which doesn't necessarily bother me, but I also had one of those big yellow stickers. I tried to find a picture of that sticker on a car, but to no avail.

I would not have cared if I could have just taken the sticker off the window and thrown it out somewhere, but that's not how it works. They are impossible to simply peel off with your fingers so I had to drive around with the yellow sticker in my window to the grocery store, which is across from the Staples, which I was going to stop at anyway. At the grocery store I bought razor blades and then spent 20 minutes in the parking lot scraping this sticker off my window. The razor blades they had were really cheap and that did not help matters. It would have been better for me to go to a hardware store and get a real razor blade or even better one of those scraping tools, but seeing as how I was at the grocery store anyway, I figured the regular razors would do.

So, the idea is that I'm so ashamed now that I won't ever park on the wrong side anymore. That must be the idea because there's no monetary loss from the sticker. I already got a ticket, that should be enough of a deterrent. My question is how much does the city spend every year to buy and stick these stickers on cars? It seems like a big ass waste of money to me. You're already giving tickets, let that be enough. I don't need to be shamed out of parking on the wrong side. I didn't leave my car in the spot with malice aforethought. I just forgot to move it. I got my ticket. I'll pay it. Don't waste my fucking time by making me scrape this sticker off my car. Now the glue residue is all over the place. What ridiculousness.

Clearly it's legal for the city to stick stickers on cars, or else they wouldn't do it. I wonder if anyone has ever challenged the city's right in court. It's probably not worth the time or money you'd have to spend. If the city can go around sticking stickers on people's windows I wonder if I'm allowed to do it too. I mean, the city is essentially saying that it's ok to be intrusive in one's life and vandalize their property at the same time. I'm fairly certain that the police in New York would not look kindly on anyone else sticking stickers on people's cars, yet they are doing it themselves. At it's basest level this is really just vandalism on the city's part and they're also espousing the idea that two wrongs somehow make a right.

Here's a stupid conversation I had with my students, through no fault of my own. The prologue is that one of my students told me she was going to New Jersey over the weekend since she knows I'm from New Jersey:

Student 1: "Mista, I went to New Jersey this weekend and nobody knew who you were."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Student 1: "I asked everyone if they knew Mr. Gardner and nobody did."
Me: "Where in New Jersey did you go?"
Student 1: "Garfield."
Me: "Well, I'm not from there. I don't know anyone in Garfield."
Student 2 (hearing only the last part): "Garfield? I know that nigga. He's that cat. He's mad boring."

I'm still in the midst of 6 free months of NetFlix. I wasted the month of December because I just held onto all the movies and didn't get a chance to watch them. Anyway, the last few movies I watched on Netflix were all kindof disappointing.

Glengarry Glen Ross was pretty good. I enjoyed it. It was vintage Mamet, obviously based on a play and there were only 5 characters in the whole movie. Interesting, but hardly classic.

Bad Santa was stupid. It didn't rub me either way. The premise was stupid and contrived and I didn't hate it like Max did, but I was just pretty indifferent.

Monty Python's Life of Brian was pretty dumb. I didn't find it really funny at all. There were some moments that were funny, but the whole thing was just kindof dumb. It wasn't as clever as The Holy Grail, and, well, I guess that's all I have to say.

By far the most disappointing movie was Bananas, the Woody Allen joint (I guess it's like a Spike Lee joint). This was the second Woody Allen movie I saw, the first of which was Annie Hall. Annie Hall was great, and Bananas was stupid. It was almost beyond stupid. The plot doesn't hold together and it's not interesting and it doesn't even make sense. It plays like a bad Mel Brooks movie. The opening scene is pretty funny, though. After that part I thought the whole movie would be good, but it was all downhill from there.

Right now I'm hoping my luck will change. At the moment I have March of the Penguins, Heathers, which amazingly I've never seen, and Wall Street, which I've never seen all the way through. These are all supposed to be good movies, but then again, Life of Brian and Bananas were supposed to be good too.

First of all, the first few weeks of American Idol are the best few hours in television history. Although I'm certain that a lot of those auditions are staged, I'm sure that some of them, maybe even most of them, are real and they are just spectuacular. I mean, if I could wait on a line for half an hour and then try out for American Idol I would definitely do it as a joke, but these people wait for like 10 and 12 hours to try out to be the American Idol and they know that they suck. How could they not think that they don't suck?

Anyway, the person who must hate American Idol the most out of everyone is Alicia Keyes. Her songs get absolutely butchered on the regular by the clowns who are auditioning. Alicia Keyes' songs are really intricate and the voicing is not really one that's repeatable. She's not the greatest singer on Earth, but she's got a very strong and very unique voice. Her music should not be sung by most people, but every year fools come out like, "I keep on fallin' i-i-i-i-i-i-innnnnnn....and out of love," or "a real man, knows a real woman when he sees her," or "what goes a-round come a-round what goes up must come down."

Alicia, I feel for you, baby.

The question is not whether Samuel Alito will be confirmed to the Supreme Court, because he will be. The really interesting question is how long will it take after he's confirmed for the court to hear an abortion case? My guess is that they will hear one before Bush is out of office, so within the next three years. I guess that sounds like a while for them to get down to it, but I assume with all the original trials and appeals it would take a little while for the case to get up that high.

Here's my vision of the life of the case. Someone brings up a relevant case. This might take some state government to pass a law banning or limiting abortions. I don't know enough about the law to know exactly what a relevant test case would be. Anyway, the ban on abortion would be denied all the way up to the Supreme Court with Roe v. Wade as the precedent. The Supreme Court agrees to hear the case, and then bedlam ensues. I mean motherfuckers are going to come out of the woodwork and swarm Washington. All of the justices will get death threats and clowns will be arrested on both sides of the argument for doing ridiculous things. It's going to get live.

There's a good possibility that the court would then overturn Roe v. Wade which, to be sure, would be a sad day for the country, as it would be one of the few times the government has acted to take away rights from its citizens, rather than to give them. If that happens then Bush will go before some people and give that little sneer and talkk about how he had a hand in protecting Americans and their values.

Meanwhile a ban on abortion would not end the practice of abortion in this country, but rather just make them more dangerous and less accessible for poor people.

Thoughts on this timeline?

I stole this picture from this girl's blog. If you go to McDonald's in Spain, this is what you can buy. This rules.

I did this last year, after having stole it from Joe, and I stole it from him again this year. Although I genuinely intended to do it again, so I guess I only stole it once.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
I got a Master's Degree. I went to the Caribbean. That's about it. I generally stay away from new things.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't. My goal was to sell my father's house and it's still not sold, but I did make a good deal of progress towards that goal. Not enough, mind you, as it's not done, but I didn't ignore it, which is worth something.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My homegirl Melissa gave birth to a boy about two or three weeks ago. Welcome to Earth, Sean Egbert.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I don't believe so.

5. What countries did you visit?
Last year I hadn't even left the East coast, and this year, thanks to the cruise I took, I've been to Puerto Rico, Aruba, Curacao, St. Maarten, and the US Virgin Islands. It was cool.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
A better schedule next school year. I got screwed this year.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
No idea. There aren't any that are etched at the moment, so there certainly won't be moving forward.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Maybe the master's degree. I think it's an achievement to have stayed so happily married for this year and the two before it. I'll go with that one.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I sitll haven't sold that damn house. It weighs on me every single day.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I don't really get sick. No injuries, either. Cholesterol is still high, but I'm trying.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
An iPod. It's literally life changing.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The people in Pennsylvania who voted out the school board that tried to force intelligent design on them. Christians think that there are only Christians in the world. It's pretty silly.

The people who went and tried to do good things after the tsunami and the hurricane.

Jenna Dabney for taking a pimp ass drive across the country.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Dubya, Big Time, Rover, Scooter, Brownie. Worst of all is that motherfucker Bill Frist who made statements about watching video of Terry Schiavo and said that she seemed to look alive to him in his medical opinion. If that's not a violation of the Hippocratic oath, for lame partisan purposes, no less, then I don't know what is.

Less bad on a social level is the job that Isiah Thomas is doing as the president of the Knicks. He's not made one good trade or free agent acquisition. Drafting Frye, Robinson, and Lee was good, but certainly spectacular. I've said it before, I could have been a better GM than Scott Layden and Isiah have been over these last few years.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Savings account. I have to get more savvy about investing.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I loved that cruise about 10 times more than I thought I would. It was the best vacation I've ever taken easily. I don't typically get really really really excited. I love to play basketball at the Jewish Center, though. That gets me pretty hyped.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Galang - M.I.A.

Here's the story. Someone who I wanted to see was on Conan O'Brien and I had it tivoed. I watched whoever it was and then I fell asleep. I was half awake when I heard the musical guest, which happened to be M.I.A. I wasn't watching the TV, but the song was fascinating me to the point where I couldn't sleep anymore because I had to listen to it. I watched it again later when I was awake and then proceeded to buy the whole album off of iTunes after reading about it. It takes some getting used to the sound, but it's really a phenomenal album. I didn't understand all the reviews that said it would change the way you think about music, but now I get it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
about the same, fatter, richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish my diet was better. I have stretches of greatness and then not greatness.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Ignoring things I didn't necessarily want to do.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Opened presents, went to in-laws, went to Teaneck and hung at Vinny O's for most of the night. Great time.

21. Did you fall in love in 2005?
With my iPod, maybe.

22. How many one-night stands?
None. I like that it's "how many" versus "were there any".

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Scrubs and The Amazing Race. 24 is awesome too. I watch a lot of TV, but I think these are my favorites. If I listed every show I watched regularly, you wouldn't believe that I did anything else with my life.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I can't thnk of anyone I hate, either now or then.

25. What was the best book you read?
My reading got sidetracked a bit this year with Bill Clinton's "My Life". It took me the better part of the year to read, as I've mentioned earlier.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Pseudo-punk. I don't know what the genre is actually called, but I really got into shit like The Strokes, The Killers, and Hot Hot Heat. It reminds me of punk with a pop twinge, which is why I've decided to call it psuedo-punk until I know what people are actually calling it.

The album by M.I.A. is infectious. I think I love it.

Also everyone should check out Marc Broussard if you haven't already.

27. What did you want and get?
The summer off. I can't even put into words what that does for my sanity.

28. What did you want and not get?
Kathy and I were both hoping she'd be pregnant by now, but I can't say I mind the extra effort.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I saw fewer movies this year than I have in the past. I wonder if the movies are not as good, or if some combination of DVDs and DVR is making me go less.

I can't really think of a great movie I saw this year. I liked the new Harry Potter movie. Sin City was ridiculously enjoyable. Syriana was really interesting. The only other movie I even remember seeing this year was Hustle and Flow. That was good. I saw "The Island" now that I think of it. Good idea, bad execution, like "The Truman Show".

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 27 and I had dinner at my house with a bunch of family members there. It was fun.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Obviously the house thing.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
I like to wear those newsboy hats. My fashion concept revolves around wearing them. Really whatever the people at Old Navy and the Gap decide is in fashion is my fashion concept, since that's where 90% of my clothes are from.

33. What kept you sane?
Summer vacation, as mentioned before. Letting drama flow through me, rather than stop with me.

A rum and coke every now and again. More than one ruins the effect.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I'm not sure what this means. I think I'm secretly in love with Scarlett Johannsen after seeing several of her movies this year.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Terry Schiavo. We couldn't just let the woman die with dignity. Gross.

All the other shit was predictable at least. I never would have put it past the Bush team to torture or illegally spy on people.

36. Who did you miss?
I still don't see as much of Luke, Brian, Chris, and Dave as I'd like. As this is such, I miss them when I don't see them.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
No one really comes to mind that I met this year. I'm not really good at making new friends. I've had the same friends since 3rd grade, more or less. The same friend unit, anyhow.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
It's much easier to just do it than to think about all the scenarios that might pan out if you do. It's invariably easier than you imagine.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Some will win. Some will lose. Some are born to sing the blues.
Well the movie never ends it goes on, and on, and on, and on."
Journey - Don't Stop Believing

This line has nothing to do with my year, I just love this song. I couldn't think of anything that says 'status quo' with succinctness.