The Arbitrary ChuckJerry

Cindy Sheehan may as well prostitute herself to the anti-war media. She's putting herself out there to the point of irrelevance. On top of that, she doesn't have anything to say. Everything that comes out of her mouth is hyperbole and the only thing worse than her saying some of the things she says would be if she actually believed them. There is a more intelligent way to go about your little protest, Ms. Sheehan.

This is a weird one.

I'm really particular about the way my sandwiches are made. My opinion is that each sandwich has a clear top and bottom and that those top to bottom rules should be respected. This is especially important with sandwiches that are made on some sort of roll rather than with slices of bread.

On a roll, either a round roll or a hero roll, the top and the bottom of the piece of bread is evident. When it is cut in half, then, there is obviously a top and bottom half of the roll, thus creating a top and bottom of the sandwich. When the sandwich is eaten, it must be held right side up.

On top of that, no pun intended, the garnishings of the sandwich must be handled with care as well. These garnishings are commonly known as toppings, and therefore belong on the top of the sandwich. The sandwich then, from bottom to top, should consist of the bottom roll, meat, toppings, condiments, top roll. Condiments obviously consisting of mayo, ketchup, mustard, salad dressing, whatever you like.

This issue, believe it or not, does have some repercussions. I don't really notice them at all, but have been questioned about my odd sandwich behavior in the past. Many delis make sandwiches in the same way, I guess for the sake of efficiency. A sandwich I order with regularity is turkey, lettuce, tomato, onion, and mayo. The deli guy then cuts the roll, puts mayo on both slices, reaches into the little bins and puts the lettuce, tomato, and onion on the bottom roll. He'll then o get the turkey, slice it, and put it on top of the toppings. Put the top roll, cut it in half, and the deed is done.

I'm used to this and so when I get my sandwich I generally take it apart and put the toppings back on top. I'm not bitter about it, it's just a fact of life for me. When asked why I take apart my sandwich, which I have, I just say that I need the toppings to be on top. I've also been asked why I don't just turn the sandwich upside down so the toppings would be on top. That is unacceptable. You can't call the bottom the top and pretend everything is ok. When you put the sandwich down upside down it doesn't sit right. The top of the roll is curved and it will topple over. The sandwich was meant to be eaten the right way. That would be laziness.

The solution to this issue is clear. When the sandwich roll is cut in half an the condiments spread, the deli guy should put the lettuce, tomato, and onion on the top roll. Then when you slice the meat and place it on, you can put the bottom roll on the sandwich. You've still therefore built the sandwich efficiently, but also retained the integrity of the sandwich and the toppings.

I think this is definitely weirder than the windshield wiper thing. Without a doubt it's weirder than my hang ups with misspellings and mispronunciations.

I guess the title says it all. I love the fall. It's easily my favorite time of year. Let me count the ways.

First and easily foremost, the weather just doesn't get any better. A crisp autumn day where it's not too humid and it's not quite cold yet is the perfect day to do anything you want to do. Also the sun in autumn seems to bounce off of things in such a way that everything just seems a little clearer. I don't know if I can accurately describe what I mean in terms of the sun shining this way, but it is probably the main reason I love autumn so much. Let's also not forget the leaves on the trees changing from green to red and orange and yellow and what not. That's just a great sight.

On top of that autumn is when school starts again. Perhaps that's a minus for some people or just neutral at this point since they don't go to school any more, but I really enjoy it. Back to school time is a plus for me.

This is also the best time of the year for sports. The baseball races are heating up and the World Series will go down soon. Also the football season is starting up. There's no better Sunday possible than getting up and starting at 10am watching Chris Matthews, Meet the Press, McLaughlin Group, Fox NFL Sunday, a 1pm Jets game, a 4pm Giants game, the ESPN football recap, and then the Sunday night NFL game. The only thing better than that is to replace the Sunday night football game with a World Series game.

Is there some sort of theory out there that says your favorite season is an insight as to the age of your soul? If there isn't then that's gonna be my theory. The Gardner Seasonal Soul Theory.

Anyway, we are right in the midst of my favorite time of year. September 1st through October 31st just does it for me. Once we hit daylight savings, or daylight wastings as it were since we go back to standard time, then that time is up.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm reading Bill Clinton's autobiography, My Life. Here's a quote from page 428 that I think speaks for itself. This is the time in between his winning the nomination and winning the election in 1992.

I went to Florida a few days after President Bush did to observe the damage from Hurricane Andrew. I had dealt with a lot of natural disasters as governor, including floods, droughts, and tornadoes, but I had never seen anything like this. As I walked down streets littered with the wet ruins of houses, I was surprised to hear complaints from both local officials and residents about how the Federal Emergency Management Agency was handling the aftermath of the hurricane. Traditionally, the job of FEMA director was given to a political supporter of the President who wanted some plum position but who had had no experience with emergencies. I made a mental note to avoid that mistake if I won. Voters don't choose a President based on how he'll handle disasters, but if they're faced with one, it quickly becomes the most important issue in their lives.

I stole this from Joe. When Joe steals something he usually doesn't say that he stole it, he just says "via such and such". I would do that, except I only steal from Joe.

1. You only get to watch one movie for the rest of your life. Which one do you pick?
Boogie Nights is my favorite movie, but I might go with something else here. I watch The Royal Tenenbaums a lot. I could watch The Princess Bride over and over too. In fact, that's my choice. One movie, Princess Bride.

2. You get to completely destroy and remove one movie from existence. Which one do you pick?
The Psycho remake was entirely unecessary and unentertaining. Did we really need a sequel to The Blair Witch Project?

No. Wait. I fucking hate Gladiator. That's got to be the movie with the highest suck to praise ratio in history. Destroy every copy of that piece of garbage.

3. Which movie that doesn't get nearly enough play would you recommend to everybody?
I agree with Joe about Boogie Nights. People write it off too quickly. Another one is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. That movie didn't get nearly enough buzz. It's definitely one of my favorites.

One of the best and most underrated movies ever is Dead Poets Society. I've mentioned this earlier.

I think we're beyond the point where The Shawshank Redemption is an unknown gem.

Another movie that I truly love that doesn't get much play is The Ten Commandments. Also my favorite book and one of my favorite movies is To Kill a Mockingbird. Both The Ten Commandments and To Kill a Mockingbird I watched repeatedly with my father, so that may have something to do with it.

4. Which as-yet-unreleased movie this year would you kill someone to see early?
I don't know. The only movie I was really excited to see before it came out was Magnolia. I made sure to be there opening night. I also saw Boogie Nights on opening night, but that was sortof a whim.

5. Which movie is the funniest movie you've ever seen?
Laugh out loud alone on your couch funny? Probably Dumb and Dumber. It's not my favorite comedy, but it's probably the funniest in terms of laughs per minute. In the same vein for me is Wayne's World. Those movies are better than the Austin Powers movies for sure.

Obviously the cleverest comedy is Dr. Strangelove. The Big Lebowski is way up there.

6. Which movie has made you cry the hardest?
I only recall one movie that made me cry and it was Beaches. I don't think I'm proud of that, but it was pretty sad. I feel the need to point out that I was 10 years old when that movie came out, but I think that's just some sort of macho, "I'm not gay" reflex.

7. What's the best ending sequence to a movie that you've ever seen?
I guess you have to go with The Usual Suspects or The Sixth Sense here. The Usual Suspects hints at it, but in the Sixth Sense I just went "whoa shoot daddy." Completely blindsided.

8. What's the best opening sequence to a movie that you've ever seen?
Boogie Nights has a great one, but even better is the opening to Magnolia. All the characters are introduced with such an incredible energy that it sets you up for the whole long haul.

9. Who's your favorite movie character, and why?
Hands down, Jim Carrey as Chip Douglas in The Cable Guy. He's just so damn great. I think it's that in most comedies every character is off the wall or plays into the ludicrous plot line, but in The Cable Guy everyone else is a normal person and Chip is the only goofball. He stands out so much.

10. Which movie character do you think has had the best entrance ever in a movie?
Joe, the Colonel didn't even have the best entrance in that movie. That honor goes to Todd Parker who appears for the first time at the New Year's party.

I feel like it should have been Doc Brown in Back to The Future, but they played it wrong. I wonder if it might be a Freddy or Jason type character who fits in here.

11. Which movie character do you think has had the best exit ever in a movie?
"Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey) in The Usual Suspects." That is Joe's answer verbatim (with a spelling change). That's probably mine too.

Maybe I'll go with Major Kong in Dr. Strangelove. Yeah, that was better, come to think of it.

Maybe it was the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz.

Probably to be the answer to this question you have to die in a great way. Verbal Kint didn't die, but when you think of great exits in general, you think of dying in some unusual way. That, or riding off into the sunset.

12. Which supposedly good movie do you loathe?
Anyone see Gosford Park? That was fucking terrible. I really didn't like Gangs of New York at all, save for Daniel Day Lewis.

I'm gonna have to go back to Gladiator here, though. Fucking terrible. Even worse was the fact that it won the best picture Oscar in the year after I thought the Academy was going to start honoring actual interesting movies. Just the year before movies like American Beauty, Magnolia, Three Kings, Being John Malkovich, and Fight Club all figured prominently in the Oscars and the next year fucking Gladiator wins? Downright terrible.

13. Which supposedly crappy movie do you love?
I've already talked about my love for Fools Rush In. I've also talked about The Cable Guy, which is panned by most people.

14. You get to kill one actor/actress and get away with it. Which one do you get rid of?
It's about time for Tom Cruise to go. Also maybe we could just lock up Sean Penn somewhere in a cage until it's time for him to make another movie. I don't need his outings into the real world.

15. Which supposedly bad actor do you actually like?
Is Brad Pitt a bad actor? I like his roles a lot. George Clooney too. I don't think I'm really getting to the heart of this question.

I think Cameron Diaz is probably underrated. I'm kindof fascinated by Jeff Goldblum in a Christopher Walken type of way. I'm a way bigger fan of Alyson Hannigan than is probably warranted.

Shatner really is entertaining.

16. Which supposedly good actor do you wish would just go away?
Julia Roberts. I don't dislike her, but can't we all agree that she's overrated?

The Yankees are currently out of the playoff picture, but are playing really well recently and they have lots of outs, to put it into poker terms, for making the playoffs. They are 1.5 games behind both Boston and Cleveland for the division lead and the wild card race respectively. There are basically three scenarios that could pan out that would put the Yankees into playoff position.

1) The Yankees catch the Indians for the wild card lead and not the Red Sox. This is the least likely in my opinion because the Indians have been the best team hands down since the all star break and if they were to catch the Indians they would most likely have to beat the Red Sox in the final series of the season to do it. That leads to the next scenario.

2) The Yankees catch the Red Sox for the division lead. If the Yankees were to catch the Red Sox and take over the division lead it wouldn't make a difference if they caught the Indians or not. If they did catch the Indians it would most likely be at the expense of the Red Sox so it's really an all or nothing deal.

3) The Yankees do not catch either the Indians or Red Sox, but the White Sox completely collapse in the last two weeks leaving the Red Sox and Indians atop their respective divisions and the Yankees with the wild card. In my opinion this is the most likely scenario. This probably still entails the Yankees having to win 2 out of 3 at least from Boston to end the season, but they wouldn't absolutely need a sweep if this pans out.

The White Sox play Cleveland 6 more times in the next two weeks and currently hold only a 3.5 game lead, down from 15 games nary a month ago. The White Sox have lost 7 of 9 and can't get out of their own way on the field these days. I would not be shocked if they just imploded. They play Cleveland 6 times, Minnesota 4 times, both good teams, and Detroit 3 times, a good spoiler team especially if they get help.

The Yankees play Baltimore 8 times and the Blue Jays 3 more times before they see the Red Sox again. All of this is contingent on the Yankees continuing to play well, but if they do that, they've got a shot.

Boston has played poorly against the Blue Jays this season and play them in a 4 game series leading up to the Yankee series. If they limp into the series with the Yankees, then the Yanks may actually be holding the cards at that point.

This is all wishful thinking at this point because of the 4 teams in the race, Cleveland, Chicago, Boston and New York, the Yankees are on the outside looking in. It seems like the Anaheim and Oakland thing is only going to play out in that division, as the one who does not win isn't in good shape for the wild card.

Anthony Weiner pulled out of the mayoral race yesterday, avoiding a run off election. I guess that's a good move for the party and will avoid a run off that would make both guys look bad, but I'm not enormously happy about it.

You heard it here first, Fernando Ferrer cannot beat Mike Bloomberg. He will be trounced.

Yesterday in New York City was the Democratic primary for the people who want to run against Mike Bloomberg for mayor. It is a very exciting race at the moment, even though it will be anticlimactic at the end.

There are basically four candidates, Fernando Ferrer, politically active guy and dude who ran for mayor last time too, Anthony Weiner, current member of the House of Reps., C. Virginia Fields, current Manhattan borough president, and Gifford Miller, some guy. They finished yesterday in 1st through 4th place in the order I just listed them. Fernando Ferrer is pretty well known in the city, and since he's Hispanic he's got a built in huge demographic following him. Anthony Weiner is by all accounts a huge up and comer on the political scene and the only thing going against him is that he's young. The other two candidates were just lame and didn't have any hope of winning.

In order to avoid a runoff election a candidate needs to get 40% of the vote. The reason the race is exciting is that as of last night, Ferrer had literally 39.9% of the vote. Weiner had about 30% and the other guys split the rest. The results won't be definitive until they count the few thousand absentee ballots which may or may not push Ferrer over the edge.

Personally, I voted for Weiner and I hope he forces a runoff. Also I hope he wins the runoff and runs against Bloomberg. Ferrer has absolutely zero chance of winning against Bloomberg. Truth be told, Weiner doesn't have much of a shot either, but if he comes out of nowhere to win the Democratic nod, he'll definitely hit the ground running. Also Ferrer kinda sucks. Incidentally, this is the first time that I'm certain my vote actually meant something. The current turning point in this race is the .07% percent between a runoff and not. I'm hoping for a runoff, so I feel like I made a difference.

I'm sortof torn here also, because I don't hate Bloomberg. He's a responsible mayor and he's setting out to do the things that he said he would do. As a public school teacher, though, I'm supposed to hate him. He's making wholesale changes to the school system which one could view as either great or terrible, but the teachers are supposed to be mad at it. I'm personally not that upset about the changes and I think he's been good for New York on most other fronts. But I absolutely refuse to vote for Bloomberg while the teachers have no union contract. There is basically no chance that will happen before the election, so any slim chance of me even considering voting for a Republican are out the window.

Bottom line, I hope Weiner wins and Ferrer loses and I hope the people of New York realize that the mayor is running on the teachers' record of success without recognizing them with a contract that represents an improving school system.

Max was amazed that I said the new Kanye West album was not very good. I said that in the midst of a rant about Kanye being full of himself. Max even went so far as to call me to ask if I was serious.

Let me step back from that statement a bit. The album is good. In fact, it is very good. The issue is that Kanye is not as good a rapper as a lot of the other guys out there. The beats on the album are incredible and the rhymes are not that great. They're good, but not great.

Perfect example. The best moment of the album is on the song "Diamonds From Sierra Leone" when Jay-Z jumps in and finishes out the song. It's an epic rhyme over an epic beat. The last track of the song is basically a reprise of the same song, only at the point where Jay-Z jumps in, Kanye keeps rhyming. The song is definitely lacking without Jay-Z on it.

That is my point.

I'm not a huge college football fan, but I do sort of tangentially follow it. If there are huge games one then I usually watch them with interest. Anyhow, yesterday there was one huge game and one sortof big game.

In the sortof big game Notre Dame beat Michigan, who was ranked #3 in the nation, AT Michigan. In the huge game, #2 ranked Texas beat #4 ranked Ohio State AT Ohio State. I only bring this up because in the short time I've been paying attention to college football, I don't recall both Ohio State and Michigan ever losing in the same week, especially when both of them have been on their home fields. That in itself is a big story.

On top of that, Notre Dame is suddenly a legitimate football program again as they are 2-0. Both of their wins came against nationally ranked teams, and they beat Michigan at home, which is nearly impossible to do. Notre Dame has a lot of big games on their schedule this year, and they are simply not talented enough to keep winning, so they don't have much hope of a national championship, but they can turn a lot of heads out there if they keep playing well and if they pull of a few more unexpected victories.

Yesterday was my first day back at work. Everything was fine, except that my A.P. is a combination of flighty and inconcsiderate so she gave me a schedule that is not conducive to my coaching baseball in the spring. Fortunately her inconsiderateness extends further than that and she gave the guy who I coach the team with a similar schedule. That means we will have to schedule the games later in the day during the week just to be able to get to them on time.

The classes I got are pretty good, though. I have one class that doesn't have a set curriculum. I just have to teach lessons from the book in some order. I don't know who planned that course, but they didn't do a very good job. My other two classes I've taught every year so far, so I'm good with those.

It's gonna take me a week or so to get into the flow once the kids come back, but I'll be good in no time.

I must say, nominating John Roberts to succeed Billy Rehnquist was a pretty shrewd political move. The notion that Democrats suddenly need to know more about Roberts since he's being nominated for Chief Justice instead of just regular justice doesn't really hold water.

Assuming Roberts is granted the post, this also allows the court to be as whole as possible, since Justice O'Connor says she won't retire until her spot is filled.

I would assume he could pick O'Connor's successor relatively easily after having done the due diligence to pick Roberts already. I would personally not be surprised if he chose Alberto Gonzalez, but that woman who's name I can't remember seems to again be the front runner, as she was last time.

Get your abortions now, people.

If Kanye West were nearly as clever as he thinks he is, then he would know that sometimes it's just time to shut the fuck up. Two examples:

1) In the recent hurricane relief show on NBC Kanye went off script and babbled for a minute about nothing in particular and then blurted out "George Bush doesn't care about black people" on live television. This was in the midst of the hurricane relief show. There is a time and a place to express your opinion, but when you're asking people to donate money for hurricane relief, that is not the time to tell people about Dubya's racial leanings, nor to implicitly make them aware of your stupidity.

2) All this shit about Kanye being the best everything out there. He fucking rambled on again within the last year about how he was mad that he didn't win the Best New Artist award somewhere and about how he should win everything he's nominated for because he's the best. The notion that he's the best new artist, rapper, producer, beat maker, or anything else of the sort is ludicrous. His first album was good, his second album is not that good, and he's a mediocre rapper at best. His lyrics are not as clever as Eminem's, his flow is not as tight as Jay Z's, his beats are pretty good, but they are sample laden to say the least.

Kanye, you are just a rapper, you're not changing the world quite yet, so keep all the stupid shit to yourself.

Something like 66% of the population of New Orleans is black. Of those, something like 35-45% of that population is below the poverty level. On top of that in what was probably an unintentional intentional coincidence, the ghettos of New Orleans were built in the lowest part of the city that was already built below sea level. I find it enormously interesting that virtually every person who's still in New Orleans is poor and black. I don't know if I can expound on this point with any useful candor, but a simple statement of the facts seems to be telling.

As for the looters, I can sympathize with some and I am dumbfounded by others. If I were in a similar situation I wouldn't think twice about looting things like water or canned goods or other similar such supplies. I can even understand why one would choose to take something like a gun or weapon if he feels like he needs to defend himself in what is quickly devolving into anarchy. I don't think I would end up with a gun in my hand, but I can see why one might. The fucking clowns who are stealing TV's and stereos somehow fail to see the dire situation they are in. Where are they keeping the TV? When they are rescued at some point, are they going to bring the TV with them? Are you really thinking about material comforts when the city you live in is underneath 30 feet of water?

The response by the local and federal authorities is by all accounts lacking at this point. The issue seems to be that the levees in New Orleans didn't immediately break. The hurricane passed on Monday and the levees broke through either late Monday or early Tuesday. It seems like people breathed a sigh of relief when the hurricane passed and then had to rush to action after the levees didn't hold. I hope they can get their acts together to help these people soon.

The governor of Mississippi was on Meet the Press this morning saying that the response in his state was beyond adequate and he praised everyone working on the relief efforts. Just a moment before was a touching moment from a local Louisiana official who was lamenting the lack of aid and preparedness as he recounted the loss of the mother of one of his workers due to the lack of response time.

For some reason I am simply incapable of recognizing the difference between the words "affect" and "effect" by rote. I have to stop and think about it literally every time I want to use one of these words in writing. Other forms with different meanings and spellings come to me right away.

For example, I don't consciously think about using the different forms of "there, their, they're", yet I use them properly probably 98% of the time. Similarly, I don't struggle with "to, too, two", or any other relevant example that I can think of.

The only way I can figure out which is the proper usage is to stop in the middle of the sentence or after I've finished writing it and think about whether I have a noun or a verb. If it's a verb, I can remember to use "affect" since the A means action. If it's a noun, then I remember to use "effect". I have to go through this process every time (it's in the gies).

I don't know why I'm incapable of doing this automatically.